Tuesday, January 10, 2006

Waking up

Running water this morning, how amazing it is to just turn a piece of shaped steel and get this wonderful hot water. Water that flows down from mountains. The sun pours in through these large windows facing south, warming the house. For breakfast, the instant heat from the electric stove warms amaranth grain and water, amaranth the grain of the Aztecs. The bed has delicious sheets that have the sun, wind, sky in them from being washed then dried outdoors. With a plastic piece shaped like a rectangle and put to my ear, I talk to my brother 50 miles away and listen to him as if he were here in this room. My father talks to me afterwards through this same device, thanking me for calling him. I drive down the road and spot a State Trooper, parked; I slow down and feel grateful, breathe, be present in this moment. I stop at the mall and pick up winter boots for 20.00. I think about the hard work that went into creating these boots, the people who live on so little so that I might have these boots. The clerk too says she double checked with the company on the price before getting them. I decide to stop at my naturopath's office, just in case he is in. I see a package in front of the locked door. Curious, I pick it up and there is my name on the package. Eight days ago I had asked him to leave me vitamins and then promptly forgot to pick them up. It's nice to have them here still waiting for me.

A couple hours later, a haircut appointment gets missed by 15 minutes, appreciation is gone.
Now it's resistance, non-acceptance, frustration, anger. Being with things as they are doesn't mean choosing what to be with. One moment it's appreciation, another moment it's resistance to what is, now it's anger. Breathing in, I calm myself. Breathing out, I smile. Resting in the river.


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