Thursday, December 22, 2005


Emotions. Energy in motion. It is not easy to be what I am when certain feelings come up. Feelings that scream they are solid, the only real thing in my life. The mind senses an urgency and like a tsunami wave, I am swept off, rolling over everything in my path. Do something, the mind says. The mind goes to the past. The mind tells stories, he did this, he did that. The stories lead to a phone call. Blaming, attacking, judging. The mind jumps to the future, I need a better job. I need more money. I need a house next to running water. The mind goes over the past, jumps to the future. Criticizes. Judges. To be what I am is to sit with feelings. Invite them in for seltzer water and fruit juice. Take a good look. What is their texture? Sharp? Heavy? Contracting the body? Rigid? Are they as solid as they think they are? Is there space in their solidness?Is there anger? Is there something under the anger? Are the feelings changing? or will they stay forever as they say they will. What do they change into? Self-pity? Fear? Memories come up. Maybe I am not in the present moment with these feelings. What is the nature of these memories. Can we drop the stories and explore the feelings without the story? What happens then? Come back to my breath, breathing in, breathing out. Come back to resting in the river.


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