Thursday, December 01, 2005

Returning movies

I was determined to get a rented dvd back last week, already late for other things, leaving the house with gritted teeth, feeling the stomach tighten as I drive down the road, hyper-vigilant to what every driver in front of me is doing or not doing, mentally noting, "I don't want to be driving in the opposite direction I need to be going. Don't want to be doing this." Continuing anyway. My happiness is in the near future, not here. Feeling brittle, stretched thin, no time just about to breathe till this mission is done. Determined, rigid. Fists clamped tight on the steering wheel. The mile stretching. "No, I won't stop and turn around. I am going to do this now or it will never get done." Wanting to control something. At the destination, relief, breathe, open the dvd box, no dvd. Dvd still in dvd player at home. Mind continues, "Ok, let's go home and get it, or it's never going to get done." I feel the breath expand my belly. I breathe in the humor of the Universe. I get it. I've been running on habit energy. There is no big emergency here. All this tension is about a dvd. A dvd. I smile, resting in the river. I get present. I drive to work.

2 Comments:

At 7:10 PM, Blogger Phil said...

Jean...what a wonderful bit of life you described. I can so identify.
Here's a Buddhist charm I use when the wild horses come out:
"Without tarrying
and without hurryiing
did I cross the flood.
For when I tarried,
I sank.
And when I hurried
I was whirled about.
And so, without tarrying
and without hurrying
did I cross the flood."

Be well and happy.

 
At 11:59 AM, Blogger Pebble said...

Thanks, Phil. Jean

 

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