Wednesday, October 12, 2011

Are you sure?

It's Tuesday morning, early, first thing I do----listen to message on phone with the blinking red light.

Ummmm......friend is asking confirmation if I'm going on the weekend retreat. The mind settles into its conditioning, mental formations stand at attention, on alert, ready to take charge of the situation. The retreat is in four days. No more registrations are being taken as of yesterday. Twinges of Fear feel welcome, decide to come and sit for tea. I thought this was all confirmed last week when I called her. Didn't she hear me last week when I called and said I was going? Hostility knocks on the door and invites himself in to join in the small gathering. Why is she leaving messages like this on my office phone, what is wrong with using my home phone, my cell phone or my email. This catastrophe could have been prevented if she had only done that. Judging mind takes over. The space is crowded now with Fear, Hostility and Judging Mind. I was counting on her car and going together. I'm sad and frustrated. I'm heavy. Sigh. Life is so difficult. What's wrong with this world that we can't do the simplest things with ease? I'm sure I confirmed this trip already, but I didn't do it so she could hear it.

An email just yesterday came to say they closed registration. I guess she didn't register yet. I guess I need to book a rental car. I guess I need some patience. I leave messages on both her cell and home phone that it may be too late to register, but to call me.

I book a rental car.

Time passes. Clouds of conditioning, mental formations float away. There is space opening, in my mind. A space for things as they are, for what is real, what is true. A small voice says, "maybe the message is from last week."

Shortly after that my friend calls and indeed, she is signed up, packed and ready to go four days early. The phone message was from last week.

I cancel the rental car.

Asking ourselves, Are you sure? is a very deep practice. Resting in the river.


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